A Turd for a Turd

So I had these Mexican neighbors who owned an ugly Pug (they’re all ugly). The neighbors were nice, for the most part, although in reality, we did not see or speak or see each other that much. My job as a metaphysical guru prevents me from having much time, so I get up, go to work, and come back late. In any case, the chihuahua, and the neighbors’ kids, were an entirely different matter.

The dog started leaving turds all over my front yard. I came across them whenever I cut the grass. One time, I got done mowing to notice a yellow flat turd stuck to one of the mower’s wheels. Absolutely nasty. I saw the Mexican kids out in their front yard with their stupid dog, and I walked up to them, saying, “I would appreciate it if you clean up after your dog. I had to scoop up a ton of turds today.” They simply looked at me and nodded. I thought I had made strides, but I continued to find those stupid yellow turds all over my front yard.

A couple of weeks after I talked to the kids, I was out mowing the yard, and again, noticed a ton of turds. I don’t know what got into me, but I proceeded to scoop up all the turds into a pail. I looked at the pail, which must have had at least a good 20 or so turds inside. I tried to say a quick mantra, “Breath. Relax. Be one with the universe. Do not resort to an eye for an eye. Be the better person. Turn the other cheek.” Etc, etc. I did this for a good 5 or so minutes, but in the end, I tossed the turds all over their front yard! “See how you like cleaning out tons of dog shit.” I thought as I walked back into my house.

What happened? Why couldn’t I control my nature? In that very brief moment, I failed to see logic and went with raw emotion. I lowered myself to their level, and worse, I felt good about it. How can I lead thousands of people as a Guru, and yet I acted so petty? What kind of an example is that? After much pondering, I came up with the following assertion:

“Our nature is not divine. It may come from a divine creator, but we are not divine by default.”

Of course, this goes against the teachings of my bizarro counterpart, but it’s the truth as far as I can tell. See, the difference between me and the Deepaks of the world is that I’m willing to admint that I’m human and I don’t know it all. What I know is that tossing all those turds in the neighbors’ yard felt damn good. Am I proud of it, certainly not. Would I do it again? I hate to say it, but probably. Shit, what kind of a guru am I???

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